Fix Purple Prose • Roy Madison

Fix your Purple Prose! The mantra of many creative writing teachers. But how do you fix Purple Prose and what do they mean when they say “Purple Prose?” In short, Purple Prose is:

Convoluted descriptions
Unnecessary descriptive words stacked on top of each other
Overly flowery style
Or any content that attracts the reader’s attention but distracts from the point of the scene

If you’re battling Purple Prose, fear not. It’s natural, especially with new writers. It’s how we discover our literary voice. Yet, it can also be a trap experienced writers fall into. Instead of too much imagery, too many action words are used (examples of this at the end of the article).

Important Caveat: Sometimes your scene may NEED to lean a bit purple. Don’t be afraid to add more detail, but also accept feedback from your readers. Ask them if they sense Purple Prose and where they see it.

With that said, there is a genre that’s Purple Prose resistant. Romance Novels! Romance ignites over-the-top feelings and grand gestures. It’s part of what makes life beautiful. So, if your prose be purple, maybe you should write romance? Consider it. Use the skills you have, but consider, even in a forgiving environment, your prose should wax and wane. If you always keep everything at “level ten” the readers never gets a rest. Then what happens? They put your book down. It’s your job to make sure they keep reading (and buy the next book).

Fix Purple Prose? What is Purple Prose?

While Art Permits All Expressions, Some Things Are Still Avoided

In almost all cases, Purple Prose is too much of a good thing. It’s over-the-top imagery with too many metaphors or descriptive qualifiers. I’ve seen writers adamantly defend their Purple Prose and go to extreme measures to convince readers to agree with them. But enough about me… let’s discuss cereal. Breakfast cereal specifically.

Have you ever added too much sugar to your Wheaty Nuggets? It’s horrid. Far too much of a thing. And I urge you to do it without delay. Right now. Grab your favorite box of sugar crusted glory bites and DUMP a quarter pound of sugar into it.

Really mix that slurry in there. Now, don’t just nibble at it; shovel it into your face with an oversized spoon, and throttle your tonsils. Yes. You’re doing it right. Now take a deep breath, and savor this moment… Then tell yourself that you liked it and convince others they like it too. This is what Purple Prose does to the written word. Here is an example:

Example 1: Humor/Wonder
Princess Wunchkinsen shrieked like a delighted dolphin as she opened the box and pulled out the sleeping baby gryphon. The chunky infant weighed heavily in her hands and opened its doleful eyes, and like wet dark stones, they stared through the selfish abyss of her soul! She immediately named him Hubert Alexander Bartholomew Atticus Vindictus Andromedous the 3rd (but for convenience’s sake referred to him as “The Hewby 3”). So entranced was she by this glorious! Nay! Spectacular specimen! That she hiccuped, belched, and actually fainted with glee when the pathetically cute and portly, agile, yet maladroit, burbling travesty of a magical creature waddled saucily across the polished turquoise and blood-stone embedded table.

Do you like it? I know I do, but that’s not the point. If I move forward with this heavy-handed imagery, I risk losing my audience. It won’t matter if it’s funny, adorable, or brilliant. It has too much “sugar.” I can already hear someone say, “But I DO like this! This is good! I could read a book like this all day.” To which I say, “I’m glad you like it, but no, you wouldn’t. Just like you wouldn’t eat over-sweetened cereal for every meal. At best, you would read a few pages, set it down, forget about it, then a few hours later you’d pick up a book with more substance.” Don’t believe me? How about this one?

Example 2: Romance
“Please! Don’t say no! Don’t leave!” I begged to the blurry sight of his frame in the doorway. I was crying so hard he was only patches of beautiful colors with the harsh light behind him. His cold beclouded face was an opalescent vibration, radiating warmth and hope. His dark forest eyes just sang unspoken things that bounced around the room and I ached to adoringly hold his hands. But he did not move. A perfect marble statue. He stood there, achingly.

Just knowing he existed, craving his touch that moved and molded me! His hair, so pristine and rumpled, like a crown of antlers upon the head of an elfish god. I could feel the power of his soul behind that light as it pierced me and I knew I would break without him! My heart spinning within me was about to shatter like a rosy glass goblet! The Hunter of my world was leaving…

Holy Smokes! What happens next?? Does he kiss her? Does he leave? Do they make babies everywhere!? Then, time catches up to the young lovers, and they become old and fat and can barely stand each other. What’s going to happen!? I do not know; I’m giving them to you. You finish their story (in the comment section).

That said… do you like it? I do, but it has so many problems. If you wrote either example, could you spot the problems? Or are we so in love with our work that we can’t see the forest from the trees? What’s wrong with the examples above?

Fix Purple Prose -What’s Wrong With the First Example?

Metaphor Heavy

Let’s examine the first example. If anything creates Purple Prose, it’s an excessive use of metaphor, and this brief paragraph contains two. Use metaphors responsibly. Metaphors are exceptionally powerful. When writing metaphors, I recommend you make them ring. Make them juicy and wonder-inducing! But consider using one per page.

“Princess Wunchkinsen shrieked like a delighted dolphin.”
“Its doleful eyes, like wet dark stones, they stared through the selfish abyss of her soul!”

Which of these two would you prefer to keep? Is one of them more unwieldy than the other? Prune and rewrite according to your preferences.

Data Heavy

While Princess Wunchkinsen shows her cute penchant for naming things, do we need to burden this moment with a name like, “Hubert Alexander Bartholomew Atticus Vindictus Andromedous the 3rd?” Or, if you like the names, limit the moment to three names (max). Something like, “Hubert Atticus Andromedous,” and remove the line indicating, “But for convenience’s sake referred to him as ‘The Hewby 3.'”

Breaking The Fourth Wall Pointlessly

While the statement, “So entranced was she by this glorious! Nay! Spectacular specimen!” may seem innocent, it directly addresses the audience and doesn’t add much to the overall scene.

Unneeded Descriptors

Behold the overabundance of descriptive words:

The selfish abyss of her soul!
- This should be removed unless this scene introduces the Princess; even if it does, it is still heavy-handed. Consider working the statement into the scene without making is seem a joke.
She hiccuped, belched, and actually fainted.
- This is highly comedic, but perhaps too much so? It’s up to you. Would you keep this or rewrite?
The pathetically cute and portly, agile, yet maladroit, burbling travesty of a magical creature waddled saucily across the polished turquoise and blood-stone embedded table.
- Good grief. The gryphon isn’t being painted in the reader’s mind. Do you see a gryphon or an amorphous blob filled with adorable adjectives? Nothing here describes the gryphon, only that it radiates adorableness.
  - However, This may be all the scene requires. You could describe the gryphon, but you don’t have to. If you opt for this option, lower the volume a bit.

What would it take to fix this? It might look something like this.

Princess Wunchkinsen shrieked delightedly as she tore the box open and pulled out a sleeping baby gryphon. The chunky infant weighed heavily in her hands and blinked at her. Like wet dark stones those eyes stared at her, lovingly. She immediately christened him Hubert Wunchkinsen, and planted a solemn kiss on his flat head. As was the design of her uncle, she fell fast in love with Hubert. She hiccuped, belched, and felt light-headed enough to swoon.

Hubert, like her, was a true dichotomy. He was agile, clumsy, innocent, and perfect. She spent the rest of the day playing with Hubert, shooing servants out repeatedly when they brought her meals.

Fix Purple Prose -What’s Wrong With the Second Example?

Just Like Romance, It’s So Amiss—Yet Feels So Right

We won’t examine the second example, because I gave it to you. Tell me how you’d fix it in the comments. As you edit, please keep the following in mind.

The Romance genre is Purple Prose resistant
This is a pivotal scene and should resonate
There are endless ways to fix, improve, or destroy this scene
There is no “correct” way to fix this. Use your intuitive talents

Rules of Thumb When Fixing Purple Prose

Many Words Are Fragile, Powerful Statements Are Succinct

Creating solid narratives requires finding a balance. We’re terribly spoiled these days. Incredible narratives are everywhere, so we believe we can do better. It’s difficult to make something look easy. To learn this balance, consider these rules of thumb:

Simplify language without sacrificing depth
- Review unwieldy content like a reader and find the flaws. Like mighty dragons, writers want to horde their words and keep them all. Readers don’t. Readers absorb scenes
- Writers must be balanced. Think like a reader
- No writer creates a single/final draft and then sends it to the publisher. If they do, they’re adorable (and they’ll soon find that they need a therapist)
Enhance Clarity and Readability
- Use less words to leverage imagery
- Practice simplifying unwieldy paragraphs. Compare these paragraphs. Do you prefer “Example A” or “Example B”?

A. Vivian strode winsomely across the opulent room, her entrance a ballet of ethereal grace. All eyes followed as she sashayed like a mythic creature. Draped in a bejeweled evening gown, each facet of its myriad jewels captured and reflected the opulent room’s glow, casting a kaleidoscope of twinkling stardust upon the polished marble floor. Her raven tresses cascaded like an obsidian waterfall, framing a cruel visage molded by gods and tyrants before her, each feature an ode to timeless beauty. Her eyes were violet suns ensconced in lashes of velvet, bedewed with a secret, ancient wisdom. Every step she took was poetry in motion, her presence a symphony of elegance and allure, leaving a trail of mesmerized whispers and fluttering hearts in her wake.

B. All eyes followed as Vivian strode slowly across the room. She knew the impact her mother’s dress would have on the guests, with its jewels capturing and reflecting points of light. Her silky raven hair hung past her waist, swaying lusciously. It hurt to look upon her cruel face. The cheekbones, the eyelashes, and the lips were all too perfect. A molded archetype prepared by God. Stoically, I took her hand and led her to our table, leaving ripples of broken conversations and fluttering hearts.

Practice correcting overly verbose paragraphs. Review the exercises in this WikiHow. It’s quite educative. Weed out the extraneous and write with purpose. Write Something Great!!